behind enemy lies

It's finally Friday.  Thank goodness.  I have made it through the first four weeks of school... a little more gracefully at times than others, but I've made it nonetheless!  My once perfect colored pencils have been jammed into the pencil sharpener and the books for my seminar class are no longer in alphabetical order, or even placed neatly on the shelf.  Teenagers have invaded my classroom and my life, and I am learning to let go of having to have things "just so."

I'm also learning (and striving) to let go of a lot of lies that I have been tempted into believing in just four short weeks.  "You can't do this."  "You made a mistake... and you think you can teach?"  "They think you are weird."  (That one might be true.)  "You aren't organized enough."  The list is endless.

Lots of doubts.  Lots of lies.

The first two weeks of school I was able to ride the high of school starting... of getting back in the school groove and all of the things that go along with the beginning of the school year.  Then reality started to set in.  I had troubles with the copier.  I had troubles with the printing center.  I discovered that Friday morning breakfast duty is like trying to lifeguard sharks.  I've graded a lot of bad homework checks... and am constantly wondering if it's just me and if I'm cut out for this.  I'm battling scheduling changes and time constraints... and feeling like I've failed.

If you know my story, you know I'm not where I am by mistake.  God has given me this opportunity in His perfect plan for my life.  I know this deep in my heart, and I am so thankful for His blessings.

But the lies and the doubts I hear daily are SO LOUD.  It's true:  Satan attacks.  He is a ruthless thief who has come to steal my joy.  And if I am not vigilant, I begin to believe these lies.  I begin to believe I am not capable, and that it's only a matter of time before someone figures this out.  

Pair these doubts with every feeling I have regarding being a wife and a housekeeper... and I'm toast for the day!  I have to keep reminding myself that the Lord has such great plans for me... to give me a hope and a future.  That one day I will have an organized home.  One day I will learn how to budget and plan shopping trips.  One day I won't rely on Sonic or boxed mac and cheese to feed David and me.  A time will come when I will have it "more together."  

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In other, more joyous, news, David and I were able to spend yesterday with friends at the Razorback game and tailgate.  Despite the rain and a terrible Razorback loss, I had a great time catching up with my great friend Kelsie!  And today and tomorrow we are celebrating David's birthday with more football and more friends!