responding to tragedy

I am not one to post about politics or controversial subjects.  I don't make much of a habit of commentating on current events.  I try to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and those who are close to me - offline.  I feel that posting things online only opens up cans upon cans of worms.  But here I am...

I remember Columbine.  I remember being in junior high, and feeling nervous at times during school.  I remember having a conversation with my dad while we were on a walk about what had happened.  He told me that if I was ever concerned at school to not be afraid to tell someone.  I remember 9-11.  I we watched the news at school, and we were scared of where terror might strike next.  I remember my mom being thankful my dad was in town that week - he had visited the Twin Towers just a few weeks before.  I remember Virginia Tech - and going to a candlelight vigil at the University of Arkansas to honor and pray for the victims' families.  As horrific as all of these tragedies are - and let them never be forgotten - what happened on Friday in Newtown, Connecticut has left me shaken.

A student told me about what had happened.  I was able to push my thoughts aside and not pay the news much attention.  Our principal sent out an email later in the day reminding all of us to be safe - keep our doors locked and remember to follow procedures.  Finally after school let out, I read a news article about the shooting.  I was tutoring a student at the time, and so I again tried not to think too much of it.  But on the way home I cried.  I could not stop thinking about those babies.   I could not stop thinking that while we were having a crisis drill at school - a devastating crisis was taking place.  I could not help but think of those kids saying the Pledge of Allegiance earlier that morning, not knowing what terror they were about to face.

Like a lot of us, I've struggled with my views and beliefs on many hot topics the past few days.  Gun control, mental health and school safety are all buzz words on my Facebook newsfeed.  Maybe we need better firearm restrictions or mental health care.  Maybe we need safer schools.

Or maybe we just need a little more Jesus.

Friday's tragedy reminded me of just how evil our Enemy is.  He is out to kill and destroy.  And to turn us on one another over issues of gun control, mental health care and safer schools.  And he is succeeding.

I don't know why tragedies like this happen.  I don't think we will ever know the answer to that.  But what I do know is this:  it got me thinking.  Thinking about how I treat my students.  About how I talk to them.  About how on some days - like most days last week - I was rude... or short... or confrontational when I didn't need to be.

On Monday I talked to my Algebra II students about what I had been thinking.  About how I cried.  I told them I was sorry for being rude or short or confrontational.  I told them they were important.  And I told them they were loved.

Please know that you are loved, too.

12/12/12

December 12, 2012… 12/12/12.  The last repeating number day I will see in my lifetime.   I could not let this day pass like any other.  I had to remember it somehow… so I decided to blog.

I was thinking this morning about all of the other repeating number days that I’ve experienced and what my life was like on each one of them.   I couldn’t help but think of how much time changes things.  To commemorate 12/12/12, I have decided to take a look back on the last 12 years of my life.   Enjoy.  J

01/01/01 - I was 14 years old and a freshman in high school.  I felt much better about Y2K and computers and the end of the world, since a whole year had passed since that craziness.  I probably had a slumber party the night before with my best friends – Megan, Becky, Kelsie and Jaclyn.  I was doing my best to make all A’s in school, and stay away from the scary senior cheerleaders.  January 1, 2001

was my Grandma Lansdown’s 78^th birthday.  We will be celebrating her 90^th next month.  She is the strongest woman I know, and I look up to her so much!

02/02/02 - I still could not drive, but I had a countdown on a whiteboard in my bedroom.  I could not wait to drive.  Two of my friends could already drive, so I liked to ride around with them as much as possible.  This is about the time that my dad bought my first car – a 1997 Suzuki Sidekick.  The Sidekick taught me some valuable lessons:  how to drive a standard – and power locks, windows and steering are a luxury!

03/03/03 - A junior in high school, and my first real Spring Break vacation.  Yes it was with my mom and dad... but being an only child I got to bring a friend along.  Kelsie and Sarah do Gulf Shores, along with our first Flat Stanley adventure.  We wanted to get awesome tans for our upcoming Prom, but ended up freezing our butts off to get sunburned.

04/04/04 - Days earlier I had toured the University of Arkansas campus.  I thought the students were crazy to be so excited about their Hogs.  I had no idea a few months later I would become one of them. I hadn't decided on a college or a major... but I was enjoying the last few weeks of my senior year of high school, and still doing my best to make those straight A's.  

05/05/05 - Through so many ups and downs, I made it through my freshman year at the University of Arkansas.  I'd passed all of my classes, survived living in the dorm and I was thinking of switching my major from business to... MATH?!?!  I thought teaching sounded fun.  May 5th also happens to be one of my dear friend's birthdays, and I can't think of this date without thinking of all of the trouble Amy and I got into when we were little. 

06/06/06 - In June 2006 my Grandpa Gipson went to be with Jesus.  The weekend before he passed away, we spent the weekend with him in Branson for my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary.  He laughed and laughed as he kicked my shoes away from me - and I am so thankful my last memory of him is his laugh.  He was a good man who loved the Lord.  He was a self-taught mathematician - and was the best at his trade.  

07/07/07 - The day before my 21st birthday.  I drove down to Fayetteville to spend time on Dickson Street (the only appropriate thing to do!) with my friends.  I was allowed to go into a bar one hour before midnight - which I thought was pretty fantastic.  It was on this day I found a new love - the amaretto sour.  

08/08/08 - By this date, I had met my husband and knew I was going to marry him.  I'd graduated with a degree in mathematics and had started graduate school to become a math teacher.  I spent the summer working at camp, attending weddings and going to summer school.  In August I started student teaching, which lead to my first almost-first-time job.

09/09/09 - Engaged!  Planning a wedding!  Buying a home!  Starting a new job at a new school!  Most stressful time I'd had in my life in 23 years.  Three years later, I would probably do things a lot differently.  But at the same time, it's all led me to where I am today.  And I can say that I am an H1N1 Survivor.  Boom.

10/10/10 - Four months into my new job at JB Hunt and tackling the project of "fixing" the Anheuser-Busch publication (for the first time.)  I've had a new desk partner for about a month, and we get along pretty well.  Little did I know she would become such a great friend.  My friendship with Kendra is such a testimony to God's plans and His timing. 

11/11/11 - I remember looking at the clock at 11:11 on this day, and thinking "11:11 - Make a wish!"  We said it all the time in middle school for good luck, and I have no idea why... can anyone remember?  Speaking of school, I was starting to think that I wanted to teach again.  I would spend the next several months checking out leads, sending emails and filling out application after application.        

12/12/12 - Today.  It's a Wednesday.  A pretty normal Wednesday.  The first semester at my new school is wrapping up, and I am exhausted, but really happy that I decided to give teaching another try. I have so much support at my new school, and I know God placed me in the right place at the right time.  Tonight I got to have dinner with Megan.  I haven't seen her in nearly a year, and our time together was so good for the soul.  I have an amazing husband, who works so hard each day to become an even better person (and he is already great to begin with.)  I am so proud of him.  I am so fortunate to have two loving, supportive parents.  And am blessed with the best in-laws a girl could ask for.  Not to mention the best pup-cake around.  Life would not be the same without Hamilton.  

I wanted a reason to celebrate today.  To be a number nerd... but writing this blog has allowed me to look back on my 12 year journey.  Although I will never again see a repeating number day, I do look forward to the next twelve years - and beyond.  And that is a reason to celebrate!

Plus... I've still got two consecutive integer days to go!

teacher life - "tails" of cafeteria duty

Hello long lost friends!

Although I am not a very consistent blogger, I feel like this past stretch has been extremely long.  I have officially been sucked into the vortex known as the "teacher life."  I am too pooped to whoop, and I am seriously loving it.  I have poured myself into work about as much as I can, and am having to schedule days where I leave early (read:  on time.)  I can always find something to work on... something to grade... something to organize... a lesson to plan.  At times I am just worn out, and I know "worn out" has the scariest potential to lead to "burn out."  And I am refusing burn out.

One of the best/worst parts of my job is Friday morning cafeteria duty.  I work at a school with a student population of 4,000.  We have two buildings, each with their own cafeteria - or commons area.  On Friday mornings I head to the South Commons to stand guard and make my presence known.   I am pretty sure most students think I am one of them.  It's key to wear my teacher ID on these days.  Even then, they probably just think I am a student who has hijacked a teacher ID.

This is one of the best parts of my job because I get to spy on a bunch of high school kids in their element.  I am fascinated... especially by the clothes they wear.  When I was in high school, I made a fashion (under)statement by rocking WAY too many graphic tees, a pair of Pumas (which I still own) and a pea coat (which I also still own, but don't wear with the Pumas anymore.)  I had a super-short flipped out Flying Nun sort of haircut, that I thought was cute.  I wasn't highly fashionable, but I didn't leave the house with a tail or looking like one of Snow White's seven dwarves.  My parents would have put the damper on that pretty quickly.  It was almost a battle when I left the house in a spaghetti strap top to go to a Sugar Ray concert one summer.  (This just keeps getting better!)

But that's what I see on Friday mornings... tails and Seven Dwarves/Smurf hats.  Sometimes I see tiger tails.  This makes sense to me... the high school mascot is a tiger, so a tiger tail is fitting on spirit days.  But I have also seen wolf/fox tails.  Just hanging out the back of some pants, like they have belonged there all along.  Don't get me started on the Smurf hats.  Apparently this is a legitimate fashion trend right now.  All I know is, no matter how great the girls have bobby-pinned them to their heads, "no hats" means "no hats."  Not even if you are wearing it as a quasi-hat.

Let's not forget the morning where I saw a young lady in a Catholic school-girl get-up.  I immediately started singing "Hit Me Baby One More Time," and wondered if these kids even remember that music video.  I have seen a return of the 90's with two separate occurrences of acid wash jeans and one flat top hair-do.  I see a LOT of two-toned hair.  Black and blue... purple and blonde.  Really any color combo will do the trick.

But the thing that baffles me the most are the sagging skinny jeans.  This is popular with some of the young gentlemen right now.  I really don't care to see the 6 - 8 inches of boxers hanging out the back... just call me crazy.  :)

Friday morning cafeteria duty is one of the worst parts of my job because it's like life-guarding 2000+ sharks.  They do have the potential to bite back.  Thankfully it's only once a week - and gives me an incentive to get out of the house early enough to swing by Starbucks for a Friday morning treat.

I have almost made it through my first semester - just 12 school days left, and it's time for Christmas Break!  I am still so thankful for this amazing opportunity, and truly feel blessed... tiger tails and all.