responding to tragedy

I am not one to post about politics or controversial subjects.  I don't make much of a habit of commentating on current events.  I try to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and those who are close to me - offline.  I feel that posting things online only opens up cans upon cans of worms.  But here I am...

I remember Columbine.  I remember being in junior high, and feeling nervous at times during school.  I remember having a conversation with my dad while we were on a walk about what had happened.  He told me that if I was ever concerned at school to not be afraid to tell someone.  I remember 9-11.  I we watched the news at school, and we were scared of where terror might strike next.  I remember my mom being thankful my dad was in town that week - he had visited the Twin Towers just a few weeks before.  I remember Virginia Tech - and going to a candlelight vigil at the University of Arkansas to honor and pray for the victims' families.  As horrific as all of these tragedies are - and let them never be forgotten - what happened on Friday in Newtown, Connecticut has left me shaken.

A student told me about what had happened.  I was able to push my thoughts aside and not pay the news much attention.  Our principal sent out an email later in the day reminding all of us to be safe - keep our doors locked and remember to follow procedures.  Finally after school let out, I read a news article about the shooting.  I was tutoring a student at the time, and so I again tried not to think too much of it.  But on the way home I cried.  I could not stop thinking about those babies.   I could not stop thinking that while we were having a crisis drill at school - a devastating crisis was taking place.  I could not help but think of those kids saying the Pledge of Allegiance earlier that morning, not knowing what terror they were about to face.

Like a lot of us, I've struggled with my views and beliefs on many hot topics the past few days.  Gun control, mental health and school safety are all buzz words on my Facebook newsfeed.  Maybe we need better firearm restrictions or mental health care.  Maybe we need safer schools.

Or maybe we just need a little more Jesus.

Friday's tragedy reminded me of just how evil our Enemy is.  He is out to kill and destroy.  And to turn us on one another over issues of gun control, mental health care and safer schools.  And he is succeeding.

I don't know why tragedies like this happen.  I don't think we will ever know the answer to that.  But what I do know is this:  it got me thinking.  Thinking about how I treat my students.  About how I talk to them.  About how on some days - like most days last week - I was rude... or short... or confrontational when I didn't need to be.

On Monday I talked to my Algebra II students about what I had been thinking.  About how I cried.  I told them I was sorry for being rude or short or confrontational.  I told them they were important.  And I told them they were loved.

Please know that you are loved, too.